Today while painting my walls in my bedroom, my grandfather was watching me making sure I did it correctly. Of course I had insisted I paint the walls myself, it's my bedroom after all! I should do the dirty work! But me being me, I was horrible at it. Not because I didn't try just because painting is apparently not a skill set I have. My grandfather ended up taking over and left me standing there like an idiot watching him. I waited and watched and I knew I had to do SOMETHING to help out! I wasn't about to let him do all the work, I did the little things like moving the cans of paint, the drop sheet and anything else he needed done and by the end I was mainly still waiting and watching.
This is the point in the story where my inner feminist wants to burn myself alive. I was so fed up with doing nothing I asked my grandfather what he wanted for lunch and I made us sandwiches. Although I am happy I made it for him, I am stabbing myself on the inside for first of all, not being able to take control and be able to paint my room productively, then having a man take over the job; and then I subdued myself to sending myself off to the kitchen to make a sandwich! Am I really that much set into a traditional role that I couldn't bring out my inner man and paint those damn walls myself?
We see instances like these often in history and in modern day stories. One of my favourite examples of this is through Gabrielle (Coco) Chanel. Some people may be aware that before her fame as a fashion designer and the woman who launched modern day woman's clothing, she was a mistress. When she was struggling to support herself in life, she succumbed to a mans wish and became his mistress in order to support herself. Another man after that one later funded her venture into creating hats (another one of her lovers), this then led to the rise of Chanel the company. But without a mans help and him stepping in she would have never found her own economic freedom in the end. Arthur Capel, the man who funded her business once said "I thought I'd given you a plaything, I gave you freedom."
It was a man who gave her freedom. But it was she herself who utilised it. She allowed herself freedom, and although she also lived within the confines of social norms by living as a man mistress, allowed him to provide for her for many years. Chanel still became independent in the end. She did beat the social norms that held her for so many years.
And like Chanel when she was young, I needed someone to help me through life, fund my ventures (University) and such. Not because I am a ill minded woman who can only do house work but because I am still young and I am still learning to care for myself and paint my own walls. I may relay on a man to paint my walls now, and I may show my gratitude through making lunch. And in the future it may very well be the same. But I know who I am in this regard and I know that I am an independent woman who can still be on her own. Even if that means horribly painted walls or just leaving them white!
Monday, 26 May 2014
Tuesday, 20 May 2014
This has to be the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. Graduating, and growing older. Although I am super excited to be done high school and moving forward in life, it's like looking into this black empty space, anything could happen. You have no clue what's to come next, because up to this point you have had a very set schedule for the last 13 years. Go to school, summer, go to school, summer. And with a daily schedule of wake up, get ready, go to school, hangout with friends, go home, eat dinner, study, relax, sleep, repeat. But now, now there is this ambience of cluelessness. Will I go to University next year? Take a gap year? Jump right into work? Move away? Anything is possible. It's a dream and a nightmare.
I have to say I have explored my options. university is a definite for next year. I'd really like to go into a journalism bachelor, minoring in fashion, then move on to a masters in multiple fashion certificates. Hopefully getting a job for a fashion magazine (This blog is like a trail for me on how I'll be in the fashion journalism industry). University would be amazing! Joining school clubs (swing dance club, newspaper etc), meeting new people, taking classes I actually enjoy and want to take. But I have to wait till July or August to find out if I'm in. And there's no definite. I may not be accepted. And if I'm not, then what?
I gave myself a few options.
1. Go to my backup University. Ugh. Not what I want at all. It's like when you have to wear your second choice outfit because you got coffee on your first one before you even left the house. Annoying and your not happy at all. I don't want that to my university experience. University is supposed to be the best years of my life. Not just something to trudge through and get done. I want it to mean more then that.
2. Live at home, take a year off, work and upgrade my marks. This isn't bad. I can upgrade some of my lower marks, and make a bunch of money to buy some fabulous clothes for when I'm tight on money in University. I little bit of wonderful before I have to bat down the hatches and study hard for 4 years.
3. Last options. Upgrade my marks then move to England for half a year. I really like this one since I can get a work visa in England fairly easily, it would be great to travel in Europe, work and just be somewhere knew for half a year. But I wouldn't get to save money for clothes and beauty products. But traveling ( drool...).
Before I had conjured up these ideas in my head, I was so utterly lost, and almost close to depression (one reason my blog entree's have been so sparse lately) It was the worst thing not knowing what I will do with my life, what happen's after I finish my last day of high school. I started getting depressed, having horrible anxiety attacks and everything felt horrible in life. Making a plan for me was really important, knowing what my future will look like was really important.
One thing that is really good to remember is, that this is your future. No one else's. You need to do what's right for you, not your family, your friends, your boyfriend or girlfriend, not what's right for your dog. You need to plan your life for you, because you're the one who will have to live this life. And the future you plan should excite you! Make you happy and want to strive to be there! And once you get there you can jump for joy! You can be the happiest you because you know it was all for you! Exactly what you wanted out of life.
You will have a lot of pressure from outside sources telling you what is right. But as long you explain to them that this is what is right for you. Why it will make you happiest, then they should understand.
Just remember, growing up, is hard. And it is scary. But it is also an adventure, it's a journey you get to take on your own, and to find out what is right for you and what you will become as an adult. Remember, you should be your first priority at this age. This is your life. It's a little selfish, but you will be a better you for it.
Brittany Corralynn :)
Ps. Any questions about growing up or graduating from high school, just ask!
Sunday, 18 May 2014
Here is an update of my room! My friends Ayla, Jon and I spent a weekend ripping off wallpaper and sanding down the walls. It was surprisingly a lot of fun! We blasted music and killed Jon's ears with sappy girls songs from the early 2000s! Next step: paint the walls!
Ps. If the writing is red and underlined. I have no clue why. So I'm sorry! And any questions about the room, or any ideas for re-doing rooms, just ask!