Sunday, 8 May 2016

Turning 20

[Amanda, Nick, Me] [Myself, Nick and Andrew (photo bombing)] [Jackie, Myself, Hannah]

Myself, Keith, Hamish

Jordan, Adam, Myself

Ayla, Keith, Katelynn, Jon, Hamish

The idea of turning 20 has been scaring me half to death recently. I am going to be 20 (Well. I am now). I am going to be entering this whole new decade of my life. I have all these big thoughts, dreams, and aspirations that have been loading my head and I kept thinking (and still am), how will I be able to accomplish all this in 10 years?!

My birthday is on my May 5th, and this year I spent my birthday with a cast on my foot and on crutches [Here]. Not exactly what I was hoping for, but I don't always get to make the rules! However, it was kind of a good thing.

Here's why: I'm a very fast person, I walk fast, I think fast, I learn fast and I want to do everything fast. This week I had to slow down. It has been taking me double to do everything, from my hair, to walking to getting ready in the morning, it's been awful. I was slowing others down, having people go out of their way to help me. All of this really upset me and doing anything exhausted me.

When the thought of walking to the bathroom upsets you and you make yourself hold it till you basically can't, that's an issue.

How was this a good thing then? I've always been so independent, stubborn, and always very ambitious and driven. So having to allow people to help me and making myself slow down a little made me realize that: I can do this - being 20 and all - but I can't do this alone.

Two of my closest friends Hamish and Keith have really been there for me this week. Despite this, they'd offer me help and I'd push them away and tell them I can do it myself. I'm stubborn (you should be aware of this) and they told me, I had accept help in order to get through this.

This related to my fear of becoming 20. I need help and I need to accept help to be a better person and to reach my goals. 20's a great age! It's the start of a new decade, and the start of maturing more and learning more and discovering yourself more. And now I'm excited, still scared, but still excited. That's how I feel people should look at life: scared, excited, and ready to accomplish everything you dream of and knowing when you need help. This whole dilemma made me re-think the way I was looking at becoming 20. It's scary, yes. But it's also amazing.

I've realized I have amazing friends who are willing to rally together at the last minute for a little birthday party at my house so I can rest, or carry me places when I'm exhausted.

I have an amazing family who will always go out of their way to make me as comfortable and happy as they can. Like when my grandfather sat in the surgery room with me and held my hand even though he hates blood and such. When my mom would meet me at my building every day to bring me coffee and help me carry my stuff to my office.

I love all my friends and family so much and I know they are there for me. Willing to help me through my 20's to reach every goal and become the person I aim to be.

20 will be amazing.


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